I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
