I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
