Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
