Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
