No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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