"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize