So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
