Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
