he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
