I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
