I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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