did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
