Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Even my vagina gasped.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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