It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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