I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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