I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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