You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
