I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
