Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
