I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
