And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
