i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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