Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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