I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
