He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
