I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
