She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
