Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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