Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
