We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
