I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he fucked my hip out of place.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
