He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
