I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
