I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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