Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
