the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
