After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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