i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
