Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
