my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
