He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
