i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
