My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
