I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize