i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
