The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize