oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
