I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
