My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
