i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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