So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
