it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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