I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
