i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have fence marks all over my body
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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