does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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