At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
