I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
