Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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