If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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