i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize