That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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