Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
