So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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