Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
