so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
