You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
