she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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