Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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