I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
