So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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