the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
