im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
