Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
