false alarm. still invincible.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My dick has a subreddit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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