Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
