Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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