I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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