I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
