a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
