I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
