me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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