the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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