... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
