Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no, he came in my armpit
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
