Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
did i just pee glitter
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
