I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
