she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize