I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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