She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
