Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This baby is an asshole
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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