Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
